Nicola Barker - The Yips

                                                     
Following the release of her previous novel, Darkmans, in 2007, Nicola Barker revealed, 'There are writers who exist to confirm people's feelings about themselves and to make them feel comforted or not alone. That's the opposite to what I do. I'm presenting people with unacceptable or hostile characters, and my desire is to make them understood.'

And nor does Barker like to sum those characters up in a couple of hundred pages. The Yips weighs in at 560 of them. A comparative lightweight compared to Darkmans, which was nearly 300 pages longer, but it’s still advisable to remember to bend your knees and keep your back straight when you pick up the hardback edition.

This preoccupation with the mundane and the ugly extends to the setting for her novels. Not for her the romance and beauty of Yorkshire or Scotland. Her characters exist (for they could hardly be said to be living) in forgettable places like Ashford and The Isle of Sheppey. Or in the case of The Yips, Luton.

Installed as ‘Britain’s crappest town’ in 2004, a less prepossessing place in England is hard to imagine. But while Luton would appear to be the canvas for only the broadest brush strokes of satire, Barker’s characters are layered and affectionately drawn; believably grounded in darkest Bedfordshire. Just as the Yips describe the inability to hole a relatively easy putt, particularly at a moment of high anxiety, Barker’s characters are all, to some extent, failing to hold their nerve; orbiting around Stuart Ransom, an Amisesque monster. An anti-hero for our time. The name is apposite - he appears to have an inexplicable hold over those in his milieu. From his world-weary, word-chewing manager Esther, to his new ‘friend’ Gene. Barman by night, meter reader by day, Gene has also, astonishingly, survived cancer eight times.

They’d all like to leave him, but for various reasons, find themselves unable to. Ransom is a washed-up golfer. A man who in his youth had the (golfing) world at his feet. But his cockiness and verve have been his undoing and we first find him in the bar of an anonymously awful hotel in Luton, drunkenly sounding off about the relative merits of Japanese and Korean female golfers. Similar in style and stature he avers, but your Korean has bigger tits.

The paparazzi are outside, sniffing blood after an anonymous tip off. We get it - Ransom has become tabloid fodder. A 21st century George Best - an alcoholic, unpleasant has-been, with premature hand tremors and a mobile phone addiction.

Medical miracle Gene’s meter reading brings him into contact with Valentine, an agoraphobic tattooist with a penchant for the 1940s. She lives at home with her mother, who since being hit on the head by a golf ball believes she is French, calls herself Frederique and possesses an unnervingly high sex-drive.

After the bender in the hotel, Ransom wakes in an unfamiliar house to find at the end of his bed...

A woman and a girl. Yes. But the woman isn’t a woman, she is a priest (in her black shirt and dog collar) and the girl isn’t a girl. She’s a...What is she? He inspects the girl, horrified. She’s half a girl. The lower sections of her face is....It’s missing. A catastrophe. It’s gone walkabout. Or if not quite missing, exactly, then ...uh...a work in progress. A mess of wire and scar and scaffolding.

This sequence is so beautifully realised that we hardly care whether any of it is true at all.

Or how about this for the moral anxiety and ambiguity of an illicit kiss...

But the tongue in his mouth is no longer his instrument. It is heavy with longing; unwieldy; a damp, feather eiderdown of desire. It is too late, he tells himself (never more cynical and adept than in this instant): the trigger has been squeezed, the deathly mechanism has been enabled, the fatal course of a bullet has now been set. No amount of bleating or praying or willing or cajoling can halt it or stall it or call it back.

And I guess that’s the point. Despite the frankly bonkers cover and a reputation for being a ‘challenging’ writer, Barker is Self with characters you care about. As elegant as Barnes, as evocative as Carey, and as uncanny as early McEwan.
Admittedly there are times when the dexterity and spinning plates can leave the reader on the verge of dizziness. And, perhaps inevitably with a novel of this length, there are moments of bagginess, and some of the meaningful conversations are perilously close to overdose.
However, these are only minor gripes. The joyful prose and the interweaving of plots and characters make The Yips about as impressive and simply enjoyable as a novel can be.

And Stuart Ransom, an over-the-hill, egotistical substance addict, is a star for the new millennium.
Perhaps they’ll rename Luton Airport after him.